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Archive for December 2011

Redlands Script Draft 2

- - -- by Will Sinclair»
0 comments»
A Post Without Image

Redlands
by
Will Sinclair
EXT. Day. Doorstep
Jack 12, sits on the doorstep of a small semidetached house next to Sam 13 who is playing on a PSP while Jack quietly watches. George 15, walks out of the house with his bike making Jack and Sam move. Sam sits up and nods at George as he walks off with his bike.
sam
Alright
Hey man, what you doing now then?
He gives a vague answer
george
Just going out.
He walks off with his bike
    Sam turns to Jack
Sam
Mate, can we follow your brother and see what he is doing?
jack
No, he hates it when I even talk to him let alone hang around him.
sam
What? Don’t be stupid lets go, come on, better than sitting around all day.
jack
Mate no, you don’t know my brother.
sam
Ah come on don’t be a square all your life, lets go
Sam goes to follow George, Jack has to go with him
EXT. Day. park jumps.
Sam and Jack arrive to see George meeting up with his mate Dave.
george
Yooo man hows it going?
Dave
Ha good mate but why’d you bring your little brother!?
George turns to see Jack and Sam, turns back to Dave and asks where he can see them.
george
Where? I don’t see them...
Dave
There behind those trees, the other side of the table top.
george
Oh why are you guys here! Yes i can see you, piss off back home!
Jack and Sam both step out from behind the trees.
Sam
Hey, come on let us stay I’m quite good at this sort of thing.
george
No! Just go away, both of you.
Sam
Ah come on you’re just as square as Jack!
george
No ju....Wait what? Oh really?
George turns to Dave and smiles. 
george
Ha go on then, here.
George gives Sam his bike, he then rides up to some jumps   attempts some and takes the first couple well. George crosses his arms.
george
Yeah, bet you cant do the Redland’s jump.
Sam
Haaaa go on then, which one is it?
Sam takes the challenge so George shows him the way to the jump. Sam roles up to the jump but hesitates as he is too nervous as this jump is much bigger than the others.
George 
Ha! I knew you wouldn’t do it! Such a wimp! Go home Jeez. 
DAve
Ha nice call man! what a sap! Awwwww dont worry if you’re sared! 
Jack
Mate don’t do it they are trying to pressure you into it1 its much harder than the others, lets go!
Sam is frustrated by the comments from the older boys and roles down the jump, gets some decent air but lands wrong and is thrown off the bike and hurts himself badly. 
George
Shit! i knew something like this would happen! Why didn’t you guys just leave!
Dave 
Come on man lets get out of here! 
George and Dave run off; Jack hesitates, goes to help Sam but is called back by George, so he joins them both running away from Sam.
George
Jack! Just leave him lets go!
Jack also runs off joining George and Dave. 
EXT. Day. park.Woods.
They run for a while, stop at a bench and have an argument.
George
Why didn’t you guys just leave...I told you to piss off but no you had to stay and try to show off.
Jack
I didn’t want to come here in the first place it was Sam’s idea!
George
You are such a little wimp, always letting people push you around! Now come on lets go.
Jack goes to reply as a man walks past with his dog shouting at it and kicking it. They all turn to the dog
man
What!? Mind your own fucking business!
Jack turns and runs back the way they came
George
Hey where are going now! Jeeez, ah screw you!
As Jack gets back, he see's Sam sitting up in silence holding his arm. As he gets closer he see's Sam has phone in his hand and sits down next to him.
  EXT. Day. park.jumps.
sam
My Dad is on his way.

Script Draft 1 Analysis

- - -- by Will Sinclair»
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A Post Without Image

The first draft mostly needed tweaking little parts at first such as when each character is introduced I hadn't stated what they were wearing, the setting wasn't particularly clear so they were the first things I addressed in my second draft.


Getting used to the soft ware i used for my script was a bit tricky at first as I had to make sure everything was set out correctly and in the right format. 




In the parts of my script I have worded it differently examples of this are Where George 'shows Sam to the jump' it has now changed to 'George leads the way to the jump' and where Sam falls of his bike I changed it from 'Sam hurts himself badly' to 'Sam clutches his arm in pain' as it generalises whats going on and will help the actors when it comes to shooting on how to act this out, it also gives us a visual of what happens rather than before when it was more cerebral.  


There were certain parts in my script that needed to be bulked out a little more to help make it more understandable to what goes on in that scene an example of this would be when the three boys are arguing and a man walks past kicking his dog.  











Redlands Script Draft 1

- - -- by Will Sinclair»
0 comments»
A Post Without Image

Redlands
by
Will Sinclair
EXT. Day. Doorstep
Jack 12, sits on the doorstep of a small semidetached house next to Sam 13 who is playing on a PSP while Jack quietly watches. George 15, walks out of the house with his bike making Jack and Sam move. Sam sits up and nods at George as he walks off with his bike.
sam
      Alright 
sam
Hey man, what you doing now then?
He gives a vague answer
george
Just going out.
He walks off with his bike
    Sam turns to Jack and asks
Sam
Mate, can we follow your brother and see what he is doing?
jack
No, he hates it when i even talk to him let alone hang around him.
sam
What? Don’t be stupid lets go, come on, better than sitting around all day.
jack
Mate no, you don’t know my brother.
sam
Ah come on don’t be a square all your life, lets go
Jack and Sam stand up and follow George at a distance to see where he is going
Jack and Sam stand up and follow George at a distance to find out where he is going
EXT. Day. park jumps.
Sam and Jack arrive to see George meeting up with his mate Dave.
george
Yooo man hows it going?
Dave
Ha good mate but why’d you bring your little brother!?
George turns to see Jack and Sam walking towards them
george
Why are you here! Piss off both of you!
Sam
Hey, come on let us stay I’m quite good at this sort of thing.
george
No! Just go away, both of you
Sam
Ah come on you’re just as square as Jack!
george
No ju....Wait what? Shut up. Fine have a go, I bet you’re crap.
George gives Sam his bike, he then rides up to some jumps   attempts some and takes the first couple well.
george
Yeah well those ones are the easiest here, bet you cant do the Redland’s jump.
Sam
Haaaa go on then, which one is it?
Sam takes the challenge so George shows him the way to the jump. Sam roles up to the jump but hesitates as he is too nervous as this jump is much bigger than the others.
George 
Ha! I knew you wouldn’t do it! Such a wimp! Go home Jeez. 
DAve
Ha nice call man! what a sap!
Jack
Mate don’t do it they are trying to pressure you into it1 its much harder than the others, lets go!
Sam is frustrated by the comments from the older boys and roles down the jump, gets some decent air but lands wrong and is thrown off the bike and hurts himself badly. 
George
Shit! i knew something like this would happen! Why didn’t you guys just leave!
Dave 
Come on man lets get out of here! 
George and Dave run off; Jack hesitates, goes to help Sam but is called back by George, so he joins them both running away from Sam.
George
Jack! Just leave him lets go!
Jack also runs off joining George and Dave. 
EXT. Day. park.Woods.
They run for a while, stop at a bench and have an argument.
George
Why didn’t you guys just leave...I told you to piss off but no you had to stay and try to show off.
Jack
I didn’t want to come here in the first place it was Sam’s idea!
George
You are such a little wimp, always letting people push you around!Now come on lets go.
Jack goes to reply as a man walks past with his dog shouting at it and kicking it. Jack realises from the irresponsible behavior of the man towards the dog that he has made a mistake and decides to go back and help his friend Sam. 
George
Hey where are going now! Jeeez, ah screw you!
As Jack gets back, he see's Sam sitting up in silence holding his arm. As he gets closer he see's Sam has phone in his hand and sits down next to him.
  EXT. Day. park.jumps.
Jack
Hey mate. Hows it going? Sorry i ran off. Are you hurt?

Redlands Synopsis Final Draft

- - -- by Will Sinclair»
0 comments»
A Post Without Image


Jack 12, sits on the doorstep of a small semidetached house next to Sam 13 who is playing on a PSP while Jack quietly watches. George 15, walks out of the house with his bike making Jack and Sam move. Sam sits up and nods at George as he walks off with his bike. Sam asks George a question and he gives a gauge answer and walks off with his bike. Sam turns to Jack and asks if he can follow George, Jack refuses, Sam doesn't understand why so jack states how he doesn't know his brother. Sam doesn't like this and pressures Jack into following George. Jack and Sam stand up and follow George at a distance to see where he is going so Sam can show off to George.

After they walk for a while they end up at some local jumps where George meets up with his mate Dave. Once George walks up to his mate and greets him, Dave thens laughs and asks George why he has brought his little brother and his mate along with him. George turns to Sam and Jack in anger and tells them to go home. Sam then tells George he just wanted to have a go at some jumps. George refuses but Sam insists . Sam then attempts some jumps and takes the first couple well but George isn't impressed and tells him to try a harder jump. 
Sam takes the challenge so George shows him the way. Sam roles up to the biggest jump but hesitates as he is too nervous as this jump is much bigger than the others. George and Dave then pressure Sam into jumping it, Jack shouts before he does it telling him not too but Sam roles down the jump gets a lot of air but lands wrong and is thrown off the bike and hurts himself badly. George and Dave panic and run off; Jack hesitates and goes to help Sam but George shouts back too him and Jack also runs off. 
They run for a while and stop and have an argument on what just happened. They are just about to carry on running and a man walks past with his dog shouting at it kicking it, Jack realises from the irresponsible behavior of the man towards the dog that he has made a mistake and decides to go back and help his friend Sam. George shouts back to Jack but lets him run off instead.  As Jack gets back, he see's Sam sitting up in silence holding his arm. As he gets closer he see's Sam has phone in his hand and sits down next to him.